Lady Sheherazahde's Journal

Do you have any idea how hard it is to look up lyrics for a a band called "health" and a song called "tears"?

I don't play violent video games but I like the song.

(intro :53)

Love, save us once
We'll fall from where we crawled

Love, save us once
Beware, what you want

Trust us now, it's time to let me go
Give up on us, follow what you want

Trust us now, it's time to let me go
Give up, give our soul away.

Now you will go, save us once
We'll never let go, where we crawled

The memories are wrong
Save us once

We'll never wake up
What you thought you want

Trust us now, it's time to let me go
Give up for now, follow what you want

Trust us now, it's time to let me go
Give up, give our soul away.

(break 2:40 - 3:25)

Remember with love
It's time to let me, never let go

Follow in your memories alone
It's time to let me, never let go

We die alone

I boiled up a cow tongue a few days ago and I'm pickling the it now. I also pickled a dozen eggs yesterday. Pickled eggs are fairly healthy.

Today I'm making oxtail soup. Knorr doesn't sell their oxtail soup in the US anymore. It was one of my favorites. I can still get their leek soup, but oxtail is much more expensive to make at home.

Why are the meats that used to be so cheap now so expensive? Cow tongue and ox tail cost as much as a good cut of beef. Even chicken liver or gizzards cost more than whole chicken. Whole chickens are fairly cheap but chicken leg quarters are cheaper.

Anyway, I roasted the oxtail and now I'm simmering it in tomatoes, paprika, and broth until the meat falls off the bones. I'm also roasting some onions, carrots, and celery to add later. I'll puree them with some of the broth.

I seem to have mild fever. I feel achy all over and tired. I've been lying in bed all day sweating. It is very warm today. I hope I am not this miserable all summer.

I had a good time. But I am very tired. More tired than usual. Just standing up is exhausting. I think it is because my period started on Saturday. I haven't had these sort of cramps in a long time. And my lower back hurts. I just can't get comfortable. My computer chair is not comfortable either. I should probably go sit on the couch and read a book or two.

I cataloged my Birthday Books!
Take a look.
Now I just have to read them.

I'm really pleased I was able to get the complete annotated Sherlock Holmes with my B-Day gift certificates. Used, of course but Vol 3 is like new.

I just finished listening to "Storm Front", written by Jim Butcher, narrated By James Marsters (Spike from Buffy The Vampire Slayer & Angel).

It was fantastic having James Marsters whispering in my ear for eight hours. James Marsters is a wonderful reader, he acts out the parts with his voice.


Although, since I watched the Dresden Files I mostly visualized Paul Blackthorne, who is a bit more scruffy.
.

I don't remember any of the plots from the TV show. But I know they were not the same as the book. They changed Harry's home and his office, and "Bob" is very different. But I'm not sure what else was changed.

Harry Blackstone Copperfield Dresden is a real wizard. He is a trained practitioner in the arts of magic who makes a living helping people for money, and investigating magical crimes for the police. In "Storm Front" he is hired by a wife to find her husband while trying to help the police solve a double murder by magic. It was a bit "noir detective", Harry is perpetually broke and gets beat up a lot.

The story was interesting and the magical system was compatible with Wicca.

I liked it and would love to listen to the rest of the books.

Update: I just re-watched the Storm Front episode of the TV show. It was Ok but the book was better. The TV show didn't handle Harry's temptation to use Black magic as well as the book did. It didn't handle the real temptations of evil as well in general. It was a lot less compatible with Wicca. And they didn't handle Bianca, the vampire, as well as the book. In the book we really see her true form, which is important to her character.

The books were clearly Noir detective stories, so I don't understand why they didn't go with a noir feel for the TV show. The books are mostly first person narrative, in TV they translated that into Harry telling people a lot more than he should, instead of telling us in voice over. Too bad they didn't go with a ""Burn Notice" style voice over, it would have worked.

When I was visiting Song the kids had ear infections and fevers. Song developed a fever by Monday. I had hoped to avoid getting sick by washing my hands and drinking lots of Emergen-C. But I'm beginning to feel a bit feverish and tired. Which is a shame since the weather is so nice. I should be outside enjoying the sunshine and cool breezes! Instead of opening the windows and letting the spring breezes knock over all my stuff. Ah well, I shall soon find out what develops.

My gas gage has not worked for a couple of months now. It either reads full or empty and I have no way of knowing how much gas I actually have. On my way down to visit Song it started reading empty and it turned out to be telling the truth. This is only the second time in my life I have actually run out of gas.

However, I turned on my blinker and tried to coast down the shoulder of Rt 81 as far as I could. I managed to coast about two miles to the Castle Creek exit and into the gas station there. I actually coasted right up to a gas pump.

Running out of gas - Bad Luck
Coasting two miles right up to a gas pump - Good Luck

That tends to be how my luck runs. It worked out all right. I'm not complaining.

1. Abalone -n
2. Absinthe -n
3. Alligator -y at a local restaurant. it tasted like chicken. I would like to try it again.
4. Baba Ghanoush -y eggplant dip, it's ok
5. Bagel & Lox -y as often as I can
6. Baklava -y as often as I can
7. BBQ Ribs -y as often as I can
8. Bellini -n but willing to try
9. Birds Nest Soup -n
10. Biscuits & Gravy -y as often as I can
11. Black Pudding -n
12. Black Truffle -y in a sauce for snails at a restaurant
13. Borscht -n I have a favorite recipe
( Read more... )

One of the nice things about spending Easter weekend with my sister and her family was the birthday swag they gave me.

They went to a museum and got me a book about how to draw manga, a little carry all that hangs on your tea cup for a cookie or a tea bag, and a book called "The Art Pack" It's about art, but it's full of pop-ups and little art toys to explain things. It even has a mobile that you pop out and hang up. Very fancy!

They also bot me two books off my wishlist "Shikasta" by Dorris Lessing and "Embroideries" by Marjane Satrapi. "Shikasta" is a sci-fi novel that came up in a recent discussion of utopian novels in John Crowley's journal. It will take a while to get through. "Embroideries" is a graphic novel. I read it Sunday night. It's a series of stories about women's experiences of love and marriage.

I drove my parents down to my sister Gina's for Easter. We also celebrated Forrest's Birthday and mine (although mine is not until Wednesday). I miss Forrest already. He is my little buddy. We had a great time.

Now I need to sleep.

Yesterday was the last day of my Healthy Living 101 class at the Cayuga Center for Healthy Living. The last day was about how exercise is very good for you and you should exercise for 30-60 minutes every day to improve your health.

That is a pretty simple message. try to exercise for 30-60 minutes every day. It's good for you. I can do that.

Then I read today's post on Get Rich Slowly Make the Choice Not to Decay. It included a simple list of things to do called Harry’s Rules. The first three rules were:

"1. Exercise six days a week for the rest of your life. Don’t think of it as exercise. Think of it as sending a constant ‘grow’ message…as telling your body to get stronger, more limber, functionally younger, in the only language your body understands. Do it because it’s the only thing that works.
2. Do serious aerobic exercise four days a week for the rest of your life. Hard aerobics, working up a good sweat, is our favorite exercise rhythm because [it] brings out our youngest and best biology: strong, fast, energetic, and optimistic all day long. Tell your body it’s springtime.
3. Do serious strength training, with weights, two days a week for the rest of your life. Generally, we aren’t aware of nerve decay as we get older, but it’s the main reason our joints wear out, our muscles get sloppy, and our ability to be physically alert and powerful begins to fade. And it is reversible with strength training."

This was intimidating. I can see trying to do some exercise for 30-60 minutes every day. But Harry's Rules are scary and overwhelming. They triggered an anxiety attack. If I have to commit do all this for The Rest Of My Life! I just can't do it. I might as well just lie down and die right now.

Which just goes to show that what some people find motivating, other people do not. I need gentle non-threatening little steps. Try to do something, anything, for 30-60 minutes every day, is ok. Do All This Or You Are Going To Die! is just too much for me. I can't do it. The thought of dieing is less scary to me than the thought of doing "serious aerobic exercise four days a week for the rest of my life! It's just too much. I can't commit the rest of my life. I can barely commit today.

One Day At A Time is a good slogan.

Song sent me four of the pictures from the party.
Here is my Sandwich Cake!


You can see the other pictures of the party on my G+ Album

In today's Weregeek Mark is complaining about having to learn gaming vocabulary such as "railroad" and "MacGuffin". My problem is that these are not just gaming terms, they are in general use, and they did not originate with gamers.

Railroad, vb (tr) Informal to force (a person) into (an action) with haste or by unfair means.

MacGuffin, n (film) a plot element that catches the viewers' attention or drives the plot; "the MacGuffin was a key element of Alfred Hitchcock's films"
Wikipedia has a more detailed explanation about MacGuffins

I feel much better today.

Marilyn dropped by and I made tabbouleh and two loaves of bread. I'm really proud of the bread. I didn't use a recipe I just mixed flour, water, yeast, and salt until it was what I wanted. It's chewy and dense just the way I like it.

I had two bouts of depression last week, then today I had two more.

It really sucks.

Having depression that is not caused by events means instead of having something sad happen and then feeling sad about it, I feel sad and my mind finds things to feel sad about. Usually this means suddenly feeling overwhelmed with despair because my whole life is a failure, even though my life is the same as on days that I feel just fine about it.

Depression really sucks. And there is nothing I can do about it.

(Well, taking my happy pills might help. I misplaced my medicine bag yesterday so I haven't taken any of my medication for 36 hours. But I didn't miss any doses last week and missing one dose shouldn't make much of a difference.)

Song's house feels like a second home to me. I miss it when I don't go down there.

Friday was Song's birthday so we had cake and pizza for dinner, with a bit of sweet white wine. Then Song fell asleep on the couch while I stayed up all night playing 4 Elements (damn that level 53! I still haven't gotten past it!)

Saturday was the monthly birthday party at Aunt Lu's with more pizza and cake. After which I took a nap till 10 pm.

Sunday we had a Fairy Tea Party. I made finger sandwiches and a frosted sandwich loaf, Smörgåstårta, or (as I like to call it) a sandwich cake! I had seen these in old cookbooks but never made one before. Song insisted that I make a small one because it was a small tea party so instead of a whole loaf of bread I just made a stack of slices.

Song bought thin sliced whole wheat bread and whole grain rye bread for the sandwiches. For the sandwich cake I alternated whole wheat and rye bread slices. For the fillings we had watercress, cucumbers, Munster cheese, cream cheese, butter, honey mustard, dill mustard, and kewpie mayonnaise. (I actually like kewpie mayonnaise). For the finger sandwiches I used the same fillings and honey and peanut butter as well, in case The Cuteness didn't like the fancy sandwiches.

Song made wonderful chicken salad with apple and rosemary, and also set out a plate of petit fours and tea biscuits.

We all dressed up in our fairy wings for the party and Song got out two tiny tea sets.

I would show you pictures but I forgot my camera and Song hasn't posted the pictures we took with her iPhone yet.

After the tea party we went outside to look at the yard and ended up doing some gardening. Song planted the bulbs she had, and I tried to clear off the deck. We need a push broom for the deck. But we got a lot done.

Then I took a nap till 7pm. Since it was a school night the kids went to bed not long after that and I helped Song assemble the second shelving unit for the dining room window.

Now I'm back in Ithaca. I have Book Group in five hours. I should probably get some sleep.

Still getting things done, still feeling stressed about it, and a bit bloated (my hands are slightly puffy \:).

I have had things to do everyday for the past several days. And I have been doing them. I might actually get around to assembling the shelving unit Song gave me.

Spring cleaning is progressing. I'm making a batch of Pickled Eggs, some junket pudding (for the book group), some banana bread cookies, and a few other things.

Orange Tangerine Mio tastes like Tang. I love Tang. Unfortunately peach tea Mio tastes like socks. I like: Berry Pomegranate, Fruit Punch, Mango Peach, Orange Tangerine, and Sweet Tea flavors. Strawberry Watermelon was disappointing.

Cats.
Cats are independent and easy to care for, but are also affectionate, soft, warm, fluffy, and make a pleasant purring sound.

Dogs smell bad, bark, need to be taken for walks, and can't be left alone for more than a few hours.

I have been busy.

The weekend of the 10th J came down and took me out to dinner at Thai Cuisine with B. We had a nice visit and breakfast at Manos the next morning.

Then on Wednesday I had a Pi Day blueberry pie with my parents and spent the night in Vestal.

This weekend Song is in NYC.

Today I got some spring cleaning done. I also got some magazines from Ithaca Freecycle. Two nice ladies gave me their old magazines: a big stack of National Geographic, Science, an assortment of home and garden, and a stack of Reptiles magazine. Now I just have to do something with them. I have several project ideas. I can use them for cards, scrap-booking, collage, my timeline project, and Citra Solv art.

I need to find a pair of pliers and start breaking down all those clementine crates I have in the car. They take up too much space as they are.

I am still feeling very anxious. When I went to pick up the magazines I babbled and felt anxious. It helps a little to know that I just find interacting with people stressful. They were very nice to me but that didn't stop me from worrying about what they thought of me. All this "getting things done" is very stressful as well.

IDK reminded me that I had not given him a birthday present. So I ordered a couple books for him: Pippi Longstocking by Astrid Lindgren, and The Austere Academy (A Series of Unfortunate Events #5). Today I get a call from him wanting to know why I gave him Pippi Longstocking. Apparently he doesn't read books about girls. That surprised me. Pippi Longstocking never struck me as a girls book. I thought he would like it because she lives alone and doesn't have to do chores and makes a mess when she cooks. All things he could identify with. Ah well. He did ask for the other book, so that is OK. I look forward to reading Pippi Longstocking myself.

Today my bottle cutter arrived as well as two sets of diamond tipped drill bits for drilling glass. I have not tried out the drill bits but I have cut my first bottle. I am very pleased with myself. I tried cutting glass with a glass cutter my dad had when I was a kid but I could never get it to work. I think the problem is that "glass cutting" does not involve any cutting. It's actually glass lightly scoring then glass breaking.

Anyway, Here is my first Self-Watering Bottle Planter. Now I just have to put a plant in it.

Extremely Loud & Incredibly Gross
Jon Stewart covers conservatives' reaction to Rush Limbaugh's incendiary remarks about Sandra Fluke and her congressional testimony on birth control coverage. (09:32)

In book group today I started craving food and I realized that I wasn't really hungry I was feeling stressed. I had some mint tea and tried deep breathing. When I'm stressed my stomach hurts and I know food will soothe it but I'm trying to get away from that.

Then in my healthy living class someone asked me if I sweated when I hadn't eaten in a while, and I told them that, no, I know I haven't eaten in a while when I get a feeling in the back of my neck that sounds like someone shaking an Etch A Sketch (I really would like to meet one other person who gets that) and I start yelling at inanimate objects. I get irritable when I don't eat.

So, when I am hungry I feel angry, and when I am angry (sad, or afraid) I feel hungry. That is just weird.

I wasn't planning on going to Binghamton this past weekend but The Cuteness was in the ICU because of Asthma complicated by a upper respiratory viral infection. She is home now and feeling chipper again. But I went down Friday to stay with IDK while Song stayed in the hospital with The Cuteness.

Saturday IDK made chicken nuggets (out of boneless skinless chicken breasts) for dinner and Sunday we made Moon Pies. We also did our laundry and watched a lot of TV.

I watched all 26 episodes of Hell Girl. A Japanese anime about the perils of seeking revenge. Very strange. Very Japanese. If anyone else has seen it I would like someone to explain it to me.

IDK introduced me to Magi-Nation. Which is a cute American (I'm assuming) cartoon about a boy summoned to a magical realm to fight evil. The fights are bit like Pokémon. The Magi defeat or befriend magical animals who give them stones that allow the Magi to summon the creatures to assist them in battle. It's based on a collectable card game. Not very deep but they make an effort to teach science, math, health, or life lessons each episode. So it's not all bad, unlike Power Rangers which is just an add for cheap plastic crap.

Song suggested I would like a computer game called Four Elements. Very simple game play. At the beginning of each "book" you have to find pieces of missing objects to restore an elemental shrine and find a key to open a book. Each book contains four mazes you clear by clicking on strings of matching stones. When you clear all four mazes you get an elemental spirit card and have to find the differences between two cards. The Cuteness can play it by herself and she is almost five.

I picked up my new glasses when I got home. I like them. Then I went swimming. I'm feeling productive.

I've been feeling a bit stressed to go along with my productivity. And I am still eating to sooth my stress. But Song's family is giving me a reason to live, which is new.

I've got an account on Pinterest. It's Mowgli's fault she introduced me to it over Imbolc. Unlike Facebook or G+ I'm getting a lot of "repins" on Pinterest from people I don't know. And I get email notifications of them, which encourage me to pin more stuff.

My glasses broke over the weekend. I finally went to a store and got my prescription filled. The new glasses are very similar to my old glasses. They should be ready in a 3-5 days.

Song and I made roast lamb again. We also made pickles. Wegmans was pushing simple refrigerator pickle recipes. We made the Amasuzuke (Pickled Broccoli Stems & Beets) and the Senmaizuke Style (Pickled Turnips, Daikon, & Petite Carrots). Next time we should try croquettes, I'm hoping to get Song to make Bitterballen.

I've been trying to read "100 Plus American Poems" by Paul Molloy.

And I've been thinking about more craft projects. Making Song's back yard into a fairy garden. Making an indoor bottle garden, and a bottle border for Song's garden.

That is in addition to my regular cooking projects, my family cookbook project, and my nephew's picture book.

So I have been feeling very busy but don't have much to show for it right now.

There is an unkindness of ravens squabbling outside my home.
On this wet overcast day they are looking uncommonly navy blue instead of black.

• Wed, 13:41: Free Floating Anxiety http://t.co/UQXRr2lR

I've been feeling more productive. Or at least trying to be more productive. I've done some cataloging and picking up around the house.

But I'm also feeling more anxious. I've been having anxiety dreams. And I just catch myself feeling worried...as if I have done something I shouldn't have, or haven't done something I should have.

I don't know if the two are related.

• Tue, 22:16: A big pile of yarn http://t.co/r5ho97zx