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Be Nice

Therapy Day: Fat Acceptance

Not a good day for me. I was feeling anxious and right before I went into therapy I realized that I was thinking that I would like to be dead, again.
So, that was good timing.

We talked about that. I wandered off on tangents a few times. He pointed out, subtlety, that wandering off on tangents was a way of avoiding difficult subjects. We were discussing why I am having trouble losing weight. And I talked about the problem I am having finding motivation. He said that he didn't want to jump on the bandwagon of people pressuring me to lose weight, just because everyone else wanted me to lose weight. Which surprised me. I expected him to tell me that I should want lose weight for my own good. That it wasn't healthy for me to not desire to lose weight. I really feel like this is the first time anyone has said that it is ok for me to not have losing weight as a goal.

I know some of my friends think they are being accepting, but that really haven't been.

Let me see if I can explain by analogy.

Imagine that you are Gay and your friends tell you that they accept you have decided not to try to change. But they are still sad about that because they know that your decision to continue being Gay will lead to discrimination in jobs and housing, and possible attacks by homophobic bigots. If you could just make the effort to be Straight you life would be so much better and they would not have to worry about you. They just want you to be healthy and happy and everybody knows that Straight people are healthier and happier than gay people.

And who knows, maybe they are right, maybe if you just cut off the parts of you that make other people despise you, you would be happier. You can't know if you don't try.

Because that is what everyone wants me to do, cut out part of my stomach and intestines so that I will be more socially acceptable. That is what Bariatric surgery is.

And yet we look down on the times when women used to have ribs removed to fit into corsets, or have their feet broken for foot binding.

I took one of my Ativan pills when I got home. But I'm still crying.

Comments

*HUGS*

Also, if you need snake time, come on down. Even if we're not here. My home is yours.

Edited at 2015-11-19 01:45 am (UTC)
Thank you. I may come down this weekend.
blech.

I believe in your bodily autonomy and your right to do and be as you are. It sounds like your therapist is nice.
He is nice. I like him.
I think you may find less stress about weight will make it easier for you to be healthy. You eat a very healthy diet, based on your recipes.
Thanks.
*hugs Eva*
*hugs*