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July 2017

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Monday Night Dinner and a Movie.

We had some very nice cheeses, a salad, and some bean soup. It was quite good.

Then we watched a movie
Steve: OK, Lesbian Spank Inferno opens with five lesbian filmmakers - um … a collective, you might say - who were having a competition to see who can make the best lesbian film.
Susan: Filmmakers?
Steve: Yep! Independent filmmakers!
Susan: Meaning?
Steve: Meaning that they are not the kind of girls who want to deal with the studio bosses, the focus groups, all that industry, schmoozing.
Susan: Meaning they've got cameras in their bedrooms?
Steve: So neatly avoiding the whole studio system.
Susan: Very clever!
Steve: Yes! So, during the opening act of the film they're meeting up to see each other's films and see who did the best one.
Sally: And I'm guessing we see all the films?
Steve: Exactly! We see each film within a film as the… tension mounts.
Jill: Do those films have plots, too?
Steve: No, no. They're more sort of… mood pieces.
Susan: Expressionistic?
Steve: Very much so!
Jeff: At the top of their voices!
Steve: Yes, thank you, Jeff! You can stop helping me now! ... So, basically, they watch the films, they pick a winner, that's the movie. There you go!
Susan: And what does the winner get? Isn't she presented with a trophy or something?
Steve: Well, yeah, yeah! She gets a sort of trophy, yes.
Jeff: Trophy? … Ohh, that!
Susan: What kind of trophy?
Jeff: Three speeds!
Steve: Yes, you can stop helping me now, Jeff!
Patrick: What about the spanking? Not a lot of spanking there, you know.
Steve: Yes, thank you for bringing that up, Patrick. God knows it might have slipped by unnoticed.
Patrick: No problem!
Sally: So, spanking then?
Steve: Well.. as a spur to future excellence amongst the lesbian film collective they decide that the loser - the one who made the worst film - better have a bit of a spanking.
Sally: She must be a bit pissed off.
Steve: Oddly enough she suggests it.
Sally: She suggests it?
Steve: She's very dedicated.
Jane: It's not much of an inferno though, is it? One person?
Steve: It goes on a bit.
Susan: Why is that, exactly? Very strict collective, is it?
Steve: Well, she keeps saying: "Ooh, don't stop!"
Jill: Why?
Steve: I think she feels quite badly about her film.
Susan: Still not much of an inferno, Steve.
Steve: Well, then the winner says: "Ooh, I want a spanking too!"
Jill: Why?
Susan: Two people, still not much of an inferno!
Steve: Well, then they all decide that they want a bit of a spanking.
Jill: Yeah, but why?
Steve: Sisterhood? … Oh, god!
Jill: How could you possibly enjoy a film like that?
Steve: Because it's got naked women in it! Look, I like naked women! I'm a bloke, I'm supposed to like them, we're born like that! We like naked women as soon as we're pulled out of one. Half way down the birth canal we're already enjoying the view! Look! It is the four pillars of the male heterosexual psyche. We like: naked women, stockings, lesbians and Sean Connery best as James Bond. Because that is what being a boy is and if you don't like it, darling, join the film collective! I want to spend the rest of my life with the woman at the end of that table there, but that does not stop me wanting to see several thousand more naked bottoms before I die. Because that's what being a bloke is! When man invented fire, he didn't say: "Hey! Let's cook!" He said: "Great! Now we can see naked bottoms in the dark!" As soon as Caxton invented the printing press, we were using it to make pictures of… hey!...naked bottoms! We've turned the internet into an enormous international database of naked bottoms! So, you see, the story of male achievement through the ages - feeble though it may have been - has been the story of our struggle to get a better look at your bottoms. Frankly, girls, I'm not sure how insulted you really ought to be!


Oh, wait, that wasn't that movie we watched. We watched The Fashionistas about S&M and Latex in the fashion industry. Really, there is a plot. Helena, the owner of The Fashionistas fetish clothing company wants Antonio, the famous Italian clothing designer, to use her company to work on his new line of fetish inspired fashions. But her computer video specialist and lover, Jesse, keeps slipping easter eggs of herself in BDSM scenes into the promotional videos she designs for Antonio.

The director, John Stagliano, has a bit of thing for butts, there was more spit then I wanted to see, and the dialog was only slightly better than average for a porn film. But the costumes, sets, and cinematography were excellent. Quite artistic really. He has quite an eye for form and style.

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