Lady Sheherazahde's Journal

Friday night I went out to Wegmans and bought some turkey and gravy baby food, clam juice, and smoked oysters to see if I could tempt Kip to eat anything.

He ate about half a teaspoon of the turkey baby food. He clearly liked it but eating made his mouth bleed. He didn't like the clam juice at all. He licked up a little of the oyster oil. Eating the baby food also got him to lick up some water but he was having trouble with that too.

The problem for me was that he still acted so lively. He was Kip to the end.

My choice was to have him put asleep or watch him die of dehydration and starvation, with food and water in front of him. It would have been cruel to wait till he was miserable.

Saturday morning he sat on my chest to get me up. I stroked him for a while. Then gave him some more baby food. Although I had brought the cat carrier out he stayed near me begging for food, even after I had put down the baby food. He did manage to eat a little bit of it, but it made his mouth bled again. I wrapped him in a towel to get him into the cat carrier, so that went well.

The people at Cornell are very nice. They talked to me about his condition and agreed that this was the right decision. Bu and Kaaren came and kept us company. They put us in a little room and put a little catheter in Kip's leg. I held him a bit while they were setting up.

Then they gave him an injection some kind of sedative. It happened very fast he was dead within seconds. She gave him the injection, put down the needle, put on her stethoscope, and listened for his heart, then said "he is gone". They let me hold him for a while afterward.

Bu offered to take me out to lunch. The Seversons came up with the same idea. We went to A-1 in Dryden. Then Phoenix Books afterward. I'm lucky to have such good friends.

Ninshubur has been staying very close to me. Closer that usual. Although she has not been wandering the apartment crying the way Kip did when he was lonely.

I've really been dealing quite well with this whole thing, until today.

When I started calling around to vets to price euthanasia I started crying and really haven't stopped.

Cornell has scheduled me for 10am tomorrow.

My mom suggested that I get someone to go with me. But most of my friends live out of town. That isn't the sort of thing it would occur to me to ask anyone to do anyway. I usually don't ask for help unless I'm just not capable of doing it myself. It's not like there is anything anyone can do.

Kip doesn't seem to be able to eat the pureed tuna any more, because of the tumor on his upper jaw. he managed to drink the tuna water this morning. But he hasn't been drinking much water.

I had a long talk with a woman at the Cornell Vet School about how stoic cats can be.

I've had Kip for almost 11 years and I don't want to just throw him away. But I don't want to be cruel and keep him alive when he is starving to death. It's a harder decision than I thought it would be.

Kip is walking around and looking pretty lively, despite being very, very thin, and rubbing his cheek raw because of the tumor. The woman at the Vet School seemed to think I should let him go before he starts looking like he's dieing.

Unfortunately they charge $120 to euthanize and cremate a cat. I'll have to see what I can do.

The baby food the vet students recommended that I buy for Kip costs $1 for 2.5 oz. I can get regular Tuna for $1 for 6oz. So I'm making food for Kip myself. I got a good deal on Pork loin earlier this month so I roasted one of them with no seasoning and I'm pureeing slices for Kip. I have to watch the consistency and make sure he can actually lick it up.

I have trained Ninsubur not to eat his food.

He drools a lot and is having trouble grooming himself. I have been using the dander reducing spray I bought a while ago to groom him. He seems to enjoy the attention.

Kip has been drooling a lot and having trouble eating. When The Beast was down here she took a look at his mouth and saw a growth on his upper jaw. So, I took Kip to the Southside Community Center Healthy Pet Clinic tonight. We just got back so he's still mad at me about it.

The clinic is the second Wed of the month in the gym at 305 South Plain St from 6pm to 9pm. (come in the south side door) And cost $20 for the first visit and $10 for follow up visits.

I got there at 6pm and it was already crowded. I only saw cats and dogs. But the staff are students and teachers from the Cornell Vet school so they should be able to handle anything the vet school can handle.

After an hour and a half wait I got to see three lovely young vet students. Kip did not want to come out so they took apart his carrier to get at him. He was very good and did not bite or struggle... much. After they palpated him for a while and taken a look at the growth on his upper gum they called for a "real" vet (their term). An older woman came over and took a look at Kip then asked the young girls what they thought it was. One of them ventured that it might be an infected tooth. The real vet granted that there might be an infected tooth buried inside the tumor. But really it was much more likely to be an oral Squamous cell carcinoma. The Vet said they could do surgery and remove the tumor but it would come right back. There is no cure for this kind of feline cancer. The students asked her about palliative care and she said there really wasn't anything. Feed him soft food and when he can't eat anymore look into euthanasia. I asked her for an estimate but she just didn't know. Or didn't want to tell me.

I was hoping it would be something simple and not something incurably fatal. But I'm not really surprised. I'll see what I do in the way of baby food for him.