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October 2018



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pirate baby

New Level of Anxiety

I think I'm overwhelming myself with obligations. I have that huge list of things I want to do. (Don't tell me not to make lists, lists are good for me, without lists I'm constantly afraid I've forgotten something.)

The problem is that when I go to do things on the list I just want them to be over with so I can move on to the next thing. I feel anxious and jittery.

Being goal oriented is making me lose the pleasure of the process. This is particularly bad for my writing. I don't express myself well when I'm impatient and if I just want the piece to be done I have no patience at all. It is also bad for reading. I can't enjoy a story if I just want to check the book off my list.

I need to focus on enjoying the process.


Maybe just focus on one thing at a time? Make a list of the smallest and quickest things to do first and then go to the bigger stuff. It should build up your wall of anxiety and not make it topple over as easily.

Starting with small easy to complete tasks is probably a good idea. Also projects that don't require much thought are easier when I'm feeling like this. I've been crocheting a lot lately.

Needlework helps, too

The crocheting a lot is also good for relaxing you!

I know exactly what you mean - I make lists for the same reason: the fear I'll forget something important otherwise. (Example: I packed my mother's old NY plates from her car to take with me this past week, with the idea that I was going to get to the DMV to turn them in - but because I didn't have the task anywhere in my task list, it never happened. I realized I'd forgotten only when I found the plates still in my bag when I was packing to come home.)
Just because it's on a list doesn't mean it has to be done. You won't forget it since it's on the list, but you can certainly change your mind about when, or whether, it needs to be done.

There's a certain amount of power in being able to look at the list and say "Nope, not going to do that", and striking a line through it.