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curiosity

October 2017

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Be Nice

I'm Feeling Disheartened.

In the past few days I've been feeling as if everything I try to do fails.

It sort of starts with the plants. I'm trying to grow bonsai trees, but the first couple of pots died. I was also thinking of trying to grow mint in the yard again. Several years ago Marilyn gave me a bunch of mint she thinned from her garden and we planted it along the front of my apartment building. It grew very well there. Until the landlord had to dig out the foundation to reseal the basement and filled it back in with gravel. Even mint needs more than gravel to survive. I was thinking about setting up a plant box next to the stairs and planting herbs there. But my landlord is not very supportive of such things.

I feel like every time I plant something it gets taken away from me. This sort of goes back to my childhood and when dad kept landscaping everything I liked out of the yard. But Even when I was living with Lynn, she kicked me out of the house a few months after I planted a Yew tree. That reminds me at the same time I planted the yew I bought a stone garden table. When Lynn kicked me out I took the table to my parents, and I just noticed that they seem to have gotten rid of it. *sigh*

I just feel like the guy in the song "I shot the sheriff: "Every time I plant a seed he said 'Kill it before it grow'". Not that there is anyone in particular persecuting me. It just seems like life doesn't want me to do anything significant.

I have always believed that everyone has something special that they bring to the world. But it just seems that no one wants what I bring to the world. It just feels like I try so hard to contribute but everything I do is just wrong or just not what anyone else wants. I just feel so alone, and unwanted, and unappreciated. Really unappreciated. People just don't want what I have to offer. But It's all I have.

Comments

Thats stunning...
Its tremendous :)
I never have any luck growing things.

You're sad and I'm mad

Bloody furious, in fact. Would you like me to pound on your landlord? How about Lynn? I have a sakabatou and I'm not afraid to use it!