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March 2018



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Pixar's "It Gets Better" video

I cried. But mostly because I'm 44 and things really haven't gotten better for me. I'm sort of lucky that things were never really horrible for me in the first place. I hated high school as much as most people but I didn't get beat up or or even teased. I was a total freak. But I think I was such a freak that people were afraid to bother me.

It's ... odd. On Saturday I was feeling good. Just pleasantly satisfied with my life. But I felt a little bit left out at the the party Saturday night. Everyone was nice and happy to see me but I spent most of the night siting quietly in a corner. And Monday night when B took me to dinner at Rogues' Harbor there was a girl who was staring at me and then moved so she wasn't facing me anymore. Which sort of freaked me out. And then this video reminding me that I'm alone and things probably aren't going to get better for me. They might, but really I'm 44, it's getting unlikely that anything will change for the better for me.


I cried too.
I cried because I love you and I think you are still young and it is not too late. I know people who had horrible lives (and as you said you are lucky yours have not been really horrible) and then turned them around at 50 or 60. In my mind 44 is so young. I feel like my life never started getting really good till I turned 44 and even then I struggled but now I feel as I near my 50th birthday that I am starting all over again.
Things could get better right around the bend. I hope that you do not give up my friend. I wish we lived closer. I miss you and my life has been made better because of you. You are one of the people in my life who made a difference in me. You challenged me in many ways and I feel I am a smarter person because of you. I also feel very loved by you.
Things can get better.
Sorry to be such a downer when you are going through such a positive life change.

Thank you for being my friend. That really does help.
See, now I can't watch this video because I know I will cry too!

I have to believe that things will improve for both of us, because just thinking the opposite breaks what's left of my heart.

I know I can't love you the way you're looking for, but I DO love you, as a friend, as a sister, and as a wonderful, intelligent woman. I honestly can't imagine not having you in my life and I hope and pray you're with us for many, many years.

Call me if you need to!
Thank you. It really does help to have friends.
Dear, you know it irks me that we're so far apart and can't get together easily. You are so nice to talk to and you know I'd love to get together sometime and enjoy having you in real life. It upsets me that we get along so well and we have not been able to meet.