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March 2018



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Ursula Vernon's Rant About the Ecology of Silverware!

I finally found it!
Ursula Vernon's Rant about the ecology of silverware!
Episode 28 - "If the house burns down, I owe you a Coke."
I had to listen to every episode from the beginning to find it but I did it!

Ursula: Where's my fork?
Kevin: Your fork was here. Where did your fork go?
U: I don't know.
K: You have an amazing disappearing fork. It's not behind the syrup, which I'm going to put back in the refrigerator. It's not...
U: It has migrated.
K: It's in the sink
U: It migrated to the sink! That's where they go to breed.
K: Oh, if they bred in the sink we should have a whole hell of a lot more forks than we do.
U: No, cause the problem is forks are like black widows or like praying mantises. The female fork devours the male after mating.
K: We should still have more than we do. It's not like they're producing just one baby fork at a time, is it? I mean they have a whole litter, don't they?
U: There's intense competition in the litter.
K: So basically they're breeding but..
U: Cause some of them wind up stunted and become dessert forks, the runts.
K: I guess they're getting eaten by something. We have no dessert forks.
U: The spoons
K: The spoons.
U: The spoons are opportunistic predators too.
K: The spoons...*sputters*
U: They just wait by the shoreline of the sink. Waiting for the baby forks to emerge and make a run for it.
K: That would explain why we have more spoons than anything else.
U: Spoons are voracious man. You got to cull the spoon population or else, you know, you'll be up to your eyeballs in spoons.
K: And where does that leave the knives?
U: Nothing messes with the knives. The knives are sort of like the Galapagos tortoise of the world. The knives are large, or the brontosaurus, or the aurochs. They're too large to mess with. Elephants!
K: So, what you're saying..
U: Occasionally a gang of spoons will get together and take a knife, but it's rare. They don't work well together.
K: But then how does that explain the large variety in all of them?
U: Um, what?
K: Well, I mean..
U: There is lots of variation within a species. What are you a silverware racist?
K: *sigh* This is valid. I'm going to eat a taquito now.
U: *giggles*
K: If your wondering, ladies and gentlemen this is actually what our pillow conversations sound like too. Some people talk about how their day went, some people talk about, you know, the weather, or what they did at work. We just go on tangents like that.


I like your Uncle Vernon!
uh...I don't have an Uncle Vernon.

Ursula Vernon is an author who does a food podcast with her boyfriend. She is really cool and I recommend listening to their podcasts You can also read her LJ ursulav