Why does everything suck!
I had a bit of a break down on Friday. I had planned on going down to Song's on Saturday but I was so miserable on Friday evening that I decided I needed to go down sooner. I was in tears for most of the drive down, but when I arrived Just being around friends cheered me up and IDK got out the snake for me and I felt much better. In fact I felt much better for most of the weekend. J came down to visit as well and it was nice hanging out with him. On Sunday I had a pleasant visit with my parents and my mom gave me some cool stuff.
Then today I started to crash again. I had agreed to stay with the kids while Song and SNB went to work today, but I woke up just wanting to go home. The kids were out of school because of the holiday, they spent most of the day inside watching TV. Except when I lured them outside in the sun to play with my bubble toys. They really were as easy to take care of as children can be. They are good kids but I was just not in a good head space today.
I left as soon as Song got home.
I feel like I'm back where I was Friday evening. Nothing feels right. Everything is making me angry or sad. Nothing is satisfying. I'm just sitting here crying again.
I wish I could turn off my head and make everything go away until it got better.
Then today I started to crash again. I had agreed to stay with the kids while Song and SNB went to work today, but I woke up just wanting to go home. The kids were out of school because of the holiday, they spent most of the day inside watching TV. Except when I lured them outside in the sun to play with my bubble toys. They really were as easy to take care of as children can be. They are good kids but I was just not in a good head space today.
I left as soon as Song got home.
I feel like I'm back where I was Friday evening. Nothing feels right. Everything is making me angry or sad. Nothing is satisfying. I'm just sitting here crying again.
I wish I could turn off my head and make everything go away until it got better.
I should be feeling better by then. I usually am.
I love you.
I hated it when I realized I needed drugs for my postpartum depression, but I knew I had to.
Many hugs! Call someone close if you are really down--someone who will understand. Sleep if you can...that helps me, anyway.
I love Allie Brosh.
Song is very supportive for me.
I was planning on sleeping as a way to "turn off my head" for a while. But I ended up watching Continuum on Netflix instead. Every since I was a child I have used TV to distract me from my depression and anxiety. It usually works to generate those Alpha waves. But it has to be exactly the right kind of show. The kind of shows I enjoy when I'm not depressed don't work to distract me when I am depressed. I can take anything challenging or intellectual when I'm depressed. And I have to avoid love stories, when I'm depressed a heart warming love story can make me suicidal. I was watching "My Name is Earl" yesterday and one of the episodes had Joy and Randy talking about how wonderful it was to find your "true love". That sent me into downward spiral very quickly.
I do feel better today.
I know what you mean about shows. One Christmas I watched Love, Actually with my family and wound up driving around in tears that night. No one could figure out why I didn't adore the movie. :-(