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March 2018



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Be Nice

Weight and Mood

I was reading an article on weight-loss this evening and it made me cry.

The article was about how you can change your life and lose weight, and the story of one man who did so. When I read it I thought about how people judge me and think that if I just really tried I could lose weight. He did it, if I'm not losing weight it must be because I just don't want to. Everybody thinks they could live my life better than I do. It's very disheartening. I know people are judging me because they say so. Not all the time but often enough. All fat people hear the comments. We know what people say about us, and we know that people are thinking it even when they aren't saying it. I'm not stupid you know.

It must be really nice for you people who are able to achieve everything you set out to do. Life just isn't that easy for me and your facile solutions aren't really helpful.

Just leave me alone and stop hurting me!

Edit: I took a diazepam pill and had something to eat. I'm allowed 1 diazepam a month and this is my first one since I got the prescription last month. I've stopped crying but I can't be sure if that is the diazepam or the food. Food is my primary cooping mechanism. We will see how this works out.


I know i'm really far away, but i just wanted to tell you i love you just the way you are. I worry about your weight sometimes for health reasons because i think you bring something nice to the world and i would be sad to see the lives you touch missing you...but then i think that it's none of my damn business, and i should just be thankful that you're around at all.

You are smart and beautiful and kind and sensitive, and i know you struggle with some things, but the fact that you struggle is also beautiful, because you strive for light and growth.

So i just wanted to say i'm sorry that you are growing through this, and at least one person really likes you, respects you and your opinions, likes to listen to you talk and tell stories, and likes to look at you, just the way you are.

I do, 'zahde. I really do. {{{{{'zahde}}}}}
I hate that you're feeling this way, and you are right, we all hear such things. Nobody who's ever been overweight is immune to having to listen to such things. Like all we have to do is get up off our asses and stop eating so much. Right, and if that's all it is, why is the country overwhelmingly obese? We're all lacking willpower? What crap!
Thank you.