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March 2018



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A lot went on this past weekend.

Friday morning I had my fasting blood draw. There was a flu shot clinic going on in the waiting room. After my blood draw I got in line for a flu shot as well. So, that is taken care of.

Then I went down to Ithaca Town Hall and paid my seat belt fine. That was a big chunk of money. :(

I was pretty tired when I got home.

Saturday I went down to Song's. I got there at about 7:30pm and right in the door I got into an argument with her SLB. It doesn't help that we are both loud talkers to begin with. In my defense I tried to get out of the argument several times. I told him I just didn't want to talk about it anymore and I turned away from him, repeatedly. But he kept arguing and I kept getting drawn back in. Eventually he stormed out and Song followed to mollify him. That left me sitting at the dinning room table wondering what had just happened. I had no intention of getting into an argument. And the subject of the argument was both trivial and academic. Now that I had time to think and calm down I realized that I had just walked into his home and picked a fight with him, and that was rude. So, when he came back down I apologized. I really have been working on not fighting with people anymore. And I have improved. I'm just still human.

The book Crucial Conversations has really helped me to see what is going on without the need for guilt or blame. When people get upset the adrenaline kicks in and the higher brain functions shut down and the fight or flight responses kick in. It's not easy to override those biological responses. It's possible, but it's not easy. And, for me, a life time of pushing down my awareness of my emotional state (because it is always at red alert) makes it hard for to me realize that I've gotten upset until after the fact. Yes, when I'm in the middle of a screaming argument with someone I am probably the only person within the sound of my voice who doesn't know that I'm upset. Which is why telling someone to "calm down" or "not get angry" rarely works. Really, don't try that it just makes things worse.

SLB went to a Halloween party and Song and I watched Planet Earth. We talked a bit about what happened and she gave me some of SLB's point of view. I have to conclude that part of the problem is that he and I are so alike. We both have similar issues and behavior. I spent the rest of the evening being overly talkative and solicitous toward Song because I felt bad about fighting with SLB. Lately I feel like such a third wheel when I'm down there.

I spent most of Sunday on the couch. Song was fasting for a medical procedure and was not in a good mood.

After lunch I made Rice Crispy Skulls with the kids. But it really wore me out. I might have come home that afternoon but I wanted to go to Daylight Donuts Monday morning. Now that I know they are there I want to drop by every time I'm in Broome County.

Unfortunately I didn't get moving on Monday morning until after 10am. And I had to stop at Bill Snyder's house in JC to pick up some Paw Paw seeds he had put aside for me. I really want to taste a fresh paw paw some day, maybe in four or five years I will be able to. If I can find somewhere to plant them. My friend Anne has agreed to plant a few. They need to get into the ground before the snow falls. The need to freeze before they sprout.

I had an "Elvis" donut and a sausage roll at Daylight Donuts. The "Elvis" has peanut butter icing, fresh banana slice, and bacon crumbles on top. The sausage roll was what some people would call a "pig in a blanket", a regular hotdog sized sausage cooked inside a bread roll.

When I got home the cats were fine. Calli was happy to see me. I deliberately left the door open when I went in to see her. Daisy came in to look around. Calli growled at her and Daisy hissed back. So that is how that is going.

I've been mostly sleeping and reading since then. I had tea with Anne this afternoon and I have an appointment with a surgeon to look at the cyst on my finger tomorrow (or rather later today at this point).

And after that the veil between the worlds of the living and the dead opens up and the ghosts of the departed roam the earth. So, there's that.
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