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March 2018



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pregnant woman w carrot

Eating Out and Falling Down

I was getting some rest but Wednesday night I had a bit of a breakdown. It is very difficult for me to sleep while crying, my nose gets stuffed up and the Bi-PAP machine needs to push air through my nose. I meant to take one of my Diazepam pills in the morning but I forgot. I didn't get very good sleep so I took a nap Thursday afternoon. Which did not help much.

I had a date to meet Anne and Marilyn at Wegmans at 2:30. I picked up my CSA box and got to Wegmans by 2:30 but there were no carts so I had to wait until someone finished using theirs. Then I bought some food because I was very stressed and I wanted to eat. I bought some fruit flavored mochi and some cassava chips so Anne and Marilyn could try them. The Mochi was very good. The cassava chips tasted just like potatoes.

I picked up B at 5 and we went shopping at Wgmans and Lowes, then we had bean tacos for dinner, then watched some TV streaming on the internet. B wanted to watch the "Cabin in the Woods" but I didn't think my stress levels were low enough for a horror movie. No matter how funny a horror movie is, it is still working at some level to scare you.

Then today was Friday so I had lunch with B at Chili's. They have computers at the tables now. You can place your order and pay your bill on the little computers. You can also play games and use apps for $1.99. I found that out the hard way. There was no warning on the machine that it would charge me for the games. Happily, they took the charge off the bill when I complained.

After lunch I called Marilyn and we took Luna to the dog park to play fetch for a couple of hours. Marilyn wanted to go to game night and B had planned for us to go to the Game Night at The Maker Space so I invited her to join us for dinner.

Dinner was nectarine salad with avocados and vinaigrette.

My first Game Night went well. I played Aquarius with Marilyn. Then six of us played Dixit which was pretty cool. Then we played the Discworld game that Song bought me for Yule a couple of years ago, and no one had ever played. It takes 2-4 people because you need at least 2 people and there are only enough game pieces for 4 people. It takes a bit of set up and there are a lot of rules. I was a bit intimidated by the set up. But the game play was actually pretty fun. Everyone is dealt a "personality" card and what your card says determines what conditions have to be met for you to win. So most of the players are trying to accomplish different goals. Although three of the personality cards seem to have the same goal. I donated the game to B in the hopes that it would be played more often. A nice young man named Matthew had dropped in for his first visit and was very excited to play the Discworld game because he had read the books. I liked him instantly and he continued to impress me with his role playing skills, and general shared interests. (I am not a good role player but I appreciate it in others.)

When I was leaving the Maker Space I tripped on the step just outside of the doors and fell down. I am terrified of falling down nowadays. I didn't used to be afraid of falling down whenever I stood up. But with my knees, my hips, and my weight, every time I stand up or sit down there is a chance I will fall over. Even a single step without a hand rail is dangerous for me. (I have trouble getting up the single step to my landlord's office.) When I stepped out the door and suddenly the floor was farther away then I expected, I screamed and fell over. Matthew came rushing to my rescue. (No one else did but he did.) Which really cemented my positive opinion of him.

I was not seriously injured in the fall, but my right shoulder hurts and I can't lift it without pain at the moment. I expect more aches and bruises to appear by morning, as they tend to do when you fall unexpectedly on concrete.

In other news. I have an appointment with a new therapist next week. His office is just off the Commons and there is very little parking. Marilyn has agreed to shuttle me to and from the appointment, from a downtown location that has better parking, in exchange for dinner. Parking is a big issue for me in doing anything and has sabotaged past therapist/patient relationships for me. BTW is there any polite way to ask your therapist if he is gay? He sounded kind of gay on the phone. To be honest I would probably feel more comfortable with him if he was. I feel very safe with gay men. Even my straight male friends tend to be a little "metrosexual". (I tend to use that word to describe men who are comfortable enough with their sexuality not to worry about traditional standards of masculinity. I noticed that Wikipedia defines it as a narcissistic clothes-horse, which doesn't really describe any of my friends.)

P.S. I have distinct memories of falling down in public on four occasions.

My first falling down in public incident was in high school. I was walking out of school at the end of the day between Bob and Kevin. There was a large patio just outside the doors with a low wall on two sides and a flight of stairs on the third side. When we came out onto the patio I expected them to turn right and go down the stairs, like normal people, but instead they just kept walking straight and went over the wall. I wasn't expecting to jump a wall so I wasn't prepared, and I was carrying a heavy knapsack full of books on my back. (I had shoulder problems for years because of that knapsack full of books.) When I jumped up to the top of the wall I overbalanced and did a somersault, landing on my ass on the grass. It was a bit embarrassing and I have never forgotten it.

The next time I fell down in public was while I was living in Binghamton. At one point I had developed a blister on my foot from walking barefoot on asphalt. The blister had caused me to walk on the side of my foot for a couple of weeks, which caused that side of the sole of my shoe to wear down, canting my foot and causing my ankle to weaken. At least that is my explanation for why I suddenly fell over while walking down a sidewalk in downtown. The sidewalk might have been a little uneven, but not much. My ankle just gave out and dropped me on the sidewalk in front of all the people waiting for buses. Which was embarrassing.

The third incident a can remember was a few years ago. I was leaving Song's house by the front door one morning after there had been a snowstorm. There was a layer of snow on the steps and I slipped on the first step and tumbled all the way down to the driveway. Luckily the snow cushioned my fall. I was able to drag myself back to the steps and sit down to regain my composure. But I was a bit embarrassed. That set of stairs still doesn't have a rail and I don't use it anymore. It's just not safe, and now the rug on the steps is coming loose.

And this incident at the Maker Space was the fourth fall. B needs to post caution signs on those doors.


I am glad you are OK. I am deathly afraid that if I fall I will end up with a broken bone. I walk like a 90-year-old man in the Winter because of this.

I hope your new therapist works out well. I have been debating seeing one myself, but I really think I need to see one who can help me manage my weight without telling me to eat a 1,200 calorie diet.

And WHY do people think I'm gay? :)
Why did the flaming Chinese waiter hit on Wolf for an ENTIRE meal?

I have asked more then one handy person to help me get a rail put on those front steps. All have fallen through. Might be time to break out my wings.
It would not be cheep, but if you need to fix up the house to sell it anyway, there are professional people who would properly level that stoop so it doesn't continue to pull away from the house and tip over, and put in a proper rail.

You should look into Mudjacking and foundation repair for most of the sinking and tipping issues with your house. You could actually leave that house better than it was when you bought it.
I bought a set of chains for my shoes for walking in winter. (They work the same way as tire chains for your car) Unfortunately they were more slidey indoors on hard stone floors.

I was thinking of you when I was talking about my straight male friends. :)
Hugs for late-night crying and snuffly nose. I take an antihistamine before I go to bed so I don't become congested and have to take off my CPAP. :/

Lord, I've fallen down in public so many times I can't remember them all. Between weak ankles and wobbly knees, I can go right over. It's like a cartoon moment, but without the part where you are restored instantly to health. I'm sorry you hurt your arm. You probably tried to catch yourself. What make me nervous are stairs--I'm always careful in case my knees start to slip. They're acting pretty decently lately...

I wish you good luck with the new therapist. :-)