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March 2018



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I'm really stressed this week.

I have relatives coming to town and next weekend I agreed to teach two arts workshops at a spiritual retreat.

The relatives in town mean that I can't know what I'm going to be doing on any day this week. because the relatives might want to do something that I might want to do with them. And no one ever tells me anything. To be fair they don't seem to plan anything so they can't tell me because they don't know until they decide. But it really stresses me out to not know what is going on.

We have already had one glitch. When people said they would be arriving on the 4th I kept this weekend open for them, But it seems that the one day everyone will in town is the 10nth, when I leave for my retreat, which includes Friday night dinner and has been paid for. So I'm definitely going to miss the Friday night family thing and won't get to see my nephews. I called David and I will probably get to see them for Thanksgiving as they will be coming up for that.

I'm also pulling my hair out over my workshops. They are two simple workshops Celtic Knotwork and Pennsylvania Dutch Hex Signs.

For the Celtic Knotwork workshop I just need to provide: paper, pencils, erasers, rulers.
I have a pile of books with examples and instructions. Although I have also discovered that none of the books contain the simple instructions I learned in the SCA so I'm making a handout demonstrating those methods. Information not already in books! I need to finish that and make copies. I'm also going to make copies of the sheet of paper with just the dot grid so they don't have to spend half the class the making little dots. I'm not sure if the room I'm going to be in has a black board so I'm bringing my white board I bought years ago (for a video project).

For the Pennsylvania Dutch Hex Sign workshop I bought a few cheap books on the subject and did some research online. I took a class years ago and I know how to make them. But I didn't know about the Pennsylvania Dutch. Now I know a lot about the Pennsylvania Dutch! I need to make some class notes with dates and print out some maps. I spent way too much money on paint and brushes.

I'm also taking a class at the retreat, Triptych making. I could make a triptych myself from the instructions online. But I think it will be more fun to do it with other people.

B agreed to cut out disks for my Hex Sign class, and the blanks for the triptychs. I volunteered to gesso them all before the event so they would be primed to paint. So there is that.

I need to pick up some meds at Wegmans (and some milk and yogurt, and asian pears if they have any.). I think their pharmacy is open for a short time on Sundays. I need to do laundry. I need to clean out the fridge. I need to make food. I need to go to the recycling center the same day as I clean out the fridge (and they are only open from 6am to 3pm, and not on Sunday). I need to make copies (but I can't make copies until I finish the things that I need to copy). I need to pick up boxes to put things in. (I can't do that until I have made copies etc.) I need to start packing the car because I physically can't do it on one day. (I can't do that until I have boxes.) I'm caught in a zenoic regression!

At least I picked up cat food today so the cats are happy.

I just feel really stressed. And I need to emphasize to you, dear reader, that this is all self inflicted. No one asked me to do anything.

This is the way I used to feel all the time. When I had a job. When I was going to school. Always there were things I had to do. Pending deadlines looming over me. And I'm responding the same way I did then. I'm doing what needs to be done but I'm constantly hungry.

Hungry but not hungry. B took me out to lunch as usual on Friday and I had a big lunch. And this morning he treated me to a big breakfast as well. And I'm sitting there and I feel like I still want something, but I don't know what. Nothing is appealing but I just feel a need, a craving for something. I guess it is just a need to self soothe from the stress. I need relief from the stress and food has traditionally made me feel better. But I need to find other ways to make myself feel better.

Another way I self-soothe the stress is by being late, dropping thing, or just plane failing. Once the event has occurred the stress disappears. If I'm worried about getting somewhere on time once it is too late for me to be on time I relax and leave the house. If I have too many things to do and I start dropping them I feel a sense of relief when I let them go. Failure is a relief because it means I can stop struggling and relax.


Sorry for all the stress, sweetie. Not your fault your folks don't know the difference between the 4th and the 10th, but at least it gives you some time.

The retreat sounds like great fun, especially the hex signs. Enjoy!
Thank you.
Things seem to be settling out now.
They came up to see the Farmers Market today, and we met in Wegmans afterward.
Tomorrow I have to prime the workshop blanks.
Tuesday I don't have any plans, but I might be finishing the workshop blanks.
Wednesday everybody will come up again for dinner at the spicy Asian. And I might be having Lunch with Marilyn and Anne.
Thursday they are going on a winery tour so I might see them.
Friday I leave for my weekend.
I'll look forward to seeing the results of the workshop. I hope you post pics. I love hex signs.
I still haven't found my camera and I don't have a good phone camera. I have found my old cameras, which have some problems.

I'll see if anyone else will take pictures for me.
I am looking forward to seeing you.
I'm looking forward to seeing you too.