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October 2018



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Melt Down

I pretty much had a melt down on Monday.

After talking to my therapist this evening I think the trigger was getting overwhelmed by what psychologist and the exercise guy at Guthrie want me to do. It was too much all at once. I just came away from those meetings thinking that I couldn't possibly do everything they asked me to do and I was going to fail and they weren't going to give me my surgery.

After a couple of nights sleep I'm feeling more calm. And I had a talk with Anne that helped. I don't have to do everything at once. I just have to keep making small steps. Do what I can where I am and let what will be, be.

I need to fill out the paperwork to get back to the gym and I need a new swim suit, some new pants, and new shoes. Sigh. I'll just do what I can.

I was explaining to my therapist that I need the new clothes because I need to be dressed properly to go to the gym. I don't have enough good clothes right now to go out in public five times a week. He suggested that I should perhaps change my thinking so I wasn't bothered by going out in the same clothes. I don't think he really understands the problem.


Thanks. I was feeling much better today. Then I listened to the This American Life episode 545: If You Don't Have Anything Nice to Say, SAY IT IN ALL CAPS and the descriptions of the sort of things that trolls said to Lindy West were so bad I got all tense again. And I have been fighting with Song. So that has not helped. I feel like I need a lot more sleep but I have to drive to Sayre tomorrow for a meeting with the dietitian.
I started listening to the Lindy West segment and had to turn the radio off; I couldn't stand to hear her in tears. It was rough.
Hugs, hugs! It can be hard to focus on the small steps. I'm trying to do that in my life. You'll get there. I have confidence in you.
I believe in you 'zahde. I believe that anxiety lies to everyone, and that you can come through the other side of it.

And I love you no matter what.


melt down

When I am feeling overwhelmed, it helps me to concentrate on just what I need to do right now, or maybe just for the next few hours, or at most, just today. It can be very hard to do but it does help me. I have stage IV incurable cancer, and I can totally understand feeling overwhelmed. Try to remember to b r e a t h e. I don't know if you've ever tried meditation but that helps me a lot too. Don't lose hope. You are not alone! (((Hugs)))

Re: melt down

Thank you. I do feel much better. I'm just taking it one step at a time.

I'm sorry to hear about the cancer. I can see how that would be overwhelming. I hope you are surrounded by people who support and love you.