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October 2018



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Very Social Weekend.

I hope everyone had a lovely May Day.

I had lunch with B on Friday as usual. He had asked me to make a carrot cake for his birthday party so after lunch I bough the ingredients, intending to make the cake that evening. Unfortunately I didn't feel up to it so I made the cake on Saturday instead. I was feeling a bit stressed and worried about going to a party at the home of people I don't know so I took a diazepam. I think that really helped. Everyone was delightful, I felt fine, and I didn't over eat. The cake a big hit at the party. I left it there because it was too sweet for me and I didn't want to bring it home.

J came down for the party as well. So he was staying with me again. And this morning we had brunch with B and Jenn at Denny's.

It was such a nice day today that I didn't want to stay inside. I did some shopping and picked up a cane. I've never had a cane before. I got one that has little legs so it can stand my itself. I also picked up some craft supplies.

After the shopping I met Marilyn at the dog park and we sat there for a couple of hours. I hadn't thought to bring my sun hat because I hadn't planned to stay outside. (I need to finish decorating it anyway.) And I didn't bring the dog treats or clicker for Luna, so she ignored me. I need to get another clicker so I can leave one in the car.

There is a nice cedar tree in the dog park. I sat under it for shade. It smelled nice. I got a dead branch off of it, I might use that for a Shambles or two.

After the park Marilyn came home with me and we watched "Grimm" while I practiced making animal eyes for craft projects.

I don't think they are very good. But it is my first try.
My hands are shaky and I had a lot of trouble getting clean edges on the pupils, or making any two pupils the same size. And I forgot that whatever I did would be magnified so I should make it smaller than I want it to look.

The tutorial on Mymandarinducky made it look so easy. But you need steady hands. I have always had shaky hands. It's one of the reason I like to work in mediums that allow a lot of touch ups. I need to lower my expectations of my craft abilities. And practice more. Lucky for me, a great big bag of these melted marbles is pretty cheap.

Lowering my expectations and being happy with what I do accomplish are things I'm working on in therapy. I have always been really hard on myself. And easily discouraged when I fail.

Ursula Vernon was telling a story about when she was taking a pottery class and at the end of the class they were all out at the dumpster breaking the projects that didn't work out. I think she called it "kill your darlings" (In case you don't want to follow the link, that is an old bit of writing advice that basically means: be willing to give up the parts of your work that you love the most.) Ursula said that the students who couldn't kill their darlings didn't continue as artists. And I know that I have never been willing to kill my darlings and that it has held me back. I'm trying to learn to love the process of creation more than the finish piece, to let go of the finished piece and move on.

Letting go is really hard for me. We will see how this works out.

I have Pool therapy and a blood draw tomorrow We will see how I feel after that.