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January 2019



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I Had a Nice Day

I've been having a lot of nice days lately. That is a very good thing.

I had a nice lunch with B at Denny's. He had an omelet and I had the grilled salmon with sauted zucchini and summer squash, and an extra side of fried shrimp. It was pretty good.

I took out the kitchen garbage. Then I picked up some wine and vodka for cooking. Then I went craft supply shopping, and got some meal worms for the crows. Then I picked up my prescriptions and stocked up on paper goods and a few bulk items at Wegmans.

I had a "spicy wild salmon volcano roll" for dinner. When did they start putting raw jalapeno peppers and sriracha sauce on sushi?! I probably would not have picked that roll if I had noticed the jalapeno slices. But I still ate it. And it was delicious. I'm building a tolerance for picante. The roll also seemed to have rice crispies on it, which I liked.

In general I feel pretty good about what I ate today. I had a good talk with my therapist on Wednesday. I'm beginning to feel that the Sayre bariatric team has nothing useful to offer me. They aren't doing anything a Weightwatchers meeting wouldn't do.

This episode of Radio Lab was more helpful. At least it was addressing the real issues. My intimacy issues are really at the heart of the matter. Which I knew a year ago when I first went into therapy. I even said that I needed to develop a better of way of negotiating with my unconscious, as the solution to the problem, back then. And it is still the best solution I see now. But now my therapist has finally caught up to where I am in my process. The Radio Lab story hit on the key of needing to find an immediate gratification that counters the immediate gratification that I am using now. Instead of the long term goal that people usually suggest, such as future good health, or future low weight, or having a future. When I'm craving food I Need to Feel Good Right NOW! not a year from now, or even a week from now. Next time someone suggests I not eat something I will offer to refrain from eating for as long as they hold their hand over an candle flame, and see how long their "willpower" lasts.


The Pain!

I find it helps if you hold a Gom Jabbar at their throat.

I hope you find an immediate gratification system that works for you.

Re: The Pain!

Thank you.

Re: The Pain!

Ooh! Ooh! Can I hold the Gom Jabbar? Please? *puppy eyes*

And if I stupidly suggest that, I will hold my hand over a candle flame. Or a lighter. whichever is convenient. Yes, I insist you hold me to that.
Yes, I don't know why this is so hard for people to grok. When I am overeating it is because I can think of nothing else that will make me feel better. It is the only thing that I get to do however I want and that no one else gets to control. It is the only nice thing that I do for me. So yeah, it's a pretty big job to replace that.